Everything You Must Know About What You Can & Can’t Control
There’s power in knowing the difference
Alright, so here’s the deal.
Everything’s a little uncertain right now. There’s a lot of fear. There’s a lot of confusion. There’s a lot of misinformation being peddled right now by people who have absolutely no right telling you how it actually is out there.
And if you weren’t aware of it already, I’ll let you in on a little secret…
The media isn’t your friend right now.
They never have been and they never will be.
Their lifeblood is fear and they make off like bandits as long as they’re able to instill that fear in you. It’s fear that keeps you glued to their programs looking for more, and they know it.
So do yourself a favor and stop falling for that trap.
Should you check in on the news during a time like this?
Of course.
Should you have an idea of what’s going on in the world right now?
Of course.
But if you’re constantly eating that big ol’ bowl of Fearios mainstream media keeps dishing out, you’ll go insane thinking that the world is doomed and crumbling to pieces around you.
Check in on the news, but don’t check in on it incessantly. That’s step #1.
Yes, it’s bad out there.
Yes, people are getting sick and dying.
Yes, people are losing their jobs and wondering when they’ll get back to work.
These are unprecedented times and no one has definitive answers.
But one thing is certain…
We’re all in this together — and sooner or later, we WILL get through this.
Right now, there are things you CAN control and things you CAN’T control — and I’d like to take some time to dive deep into each.
We’ll start with what you CAN’T control first.
Ready? Hold on tight.
6 Things You CAN’T Control Right Now
If you’re struggling right now with worry and anxiety, then it’s time for a quick lesson on the things you can’t control.
Letting go of the desire to control these aspects of your life will most certainly bring you more peace and balance — which I’m sure everyone could use a little more of right now.
Let’s hop to it.
1) How others react
It’s tempting to try and get people on your level…
… especially if you’re the one who’s calm and collected and can’t stand the pandamonium and chaos around you.
But guess what?
How other people react to this is on them… not you.
And it’s not your job to show them the way or get them to act any different.
We’re all going to process what’s going on in our own unique way.
You can be the model for healthy behavior and lead by example — but you have a snowball’s chance in hell bending others to your will.
Control your own reactions and leave others to their own.
2) The amount of toilet paper at the store
Toilet paper is really just a metaphor for anything.
In times like this, people get scared and start hoarding everything they can get their hands on. And, though inconsiderate of others, can you really blame them?
People are driven by fear, and that fear manifests in funny ways.
The last time I went to the store, there wasn’t a lick of meat left on the shelves. Actually, there was tons of pork left (why pork?) — but everything else was gone. And I mean everything. Chicken feet, organ meats, hearts, you name it.
I remember an older lady (perhaps in her 70s) walking down the aisle, mouth agape, completely shocked at what she was seeing. I don’t think she ever saw anything like that before — that was real eye-opener for me.
Anyway, I went to another store and found what I was looking for.
In fact, I don’t recall a single empty shelf in there. The manager was actually restocking the toilet paper as I was checking out. He told me there was more than enough toilet paper to go around…
… even if people kept coming in to drain the shelves.
Point is?
You can’t control if everything you need will be at the store when you go there. And even though everything might be gone when you arrive, chances are good they’ll be stocking up again soon.
So instead of worrying about dirty bums and empty shelves…
… go with the flow and deal with those problems if and when they arise.
You’ll save yourself some worry and angst along the way.
3) If others follow the rules of social distancing
It’s infuriating, I know…
…. looking out your window and seeing people blatantly disregarding the suggestions made by experts at the top of their field.
If you’re anything like me, you probably feel compelled to break free from your home just to give ’em a piece of your mind (from the recommended 2 meter distance, of course) — but what’s that really gonna do?
It’s not your job to fix stupid — or ignorant — people.
But what you can do is make sure you’re following the rules yourself.
That’s your only job right now.
When you see other people breaking the rules, let it go and then redirect that energy into self-praise that you’re staying safe and doing the right thing.
4) How long this will last
That’s the big Q right now, isn’t it?
When will all of this chaos and pandemonium end?
Truth is…
No one really knows — best we can do is make assumptions.
And you what happens when we assume, right?
Look, if we’re being honest with ourselves…
This could last weeks. It could last months. And the implications of everything that’s happened could most certainly last for years.
That’s not something within your control.
So let go of your need to know and let yourself surrender to the uncertainty.
Instead of wasting precious energy wondering when all of this will be over — redirect it into something else.
Something rewarding… something productive… something good.
You can’t control when this will end…
… but you can control what you do in the meantime.
5) The actions of others
If someone wants to do something you don’t agree with…
… who the eff cares?
Unless there’s something you can do to make them stop, you’re needlessly getting yourself worked up over something you can’t control.
It’s not your responsibility to change what other people do.
And the more you sit around saying to yourself “Don’t they know they shouldn’t be doing that?!”, the more you dig yourself into a hole agitation and annoyance.
Sure, some people are going to get under your skin — there’s no avoiding that. But, at the end of the day, those people are still going to do whatever the heck they want — regardless of how you feel.
So here’s what you need to do…
If someone is doing something you don’t agree with, you’re going to ask yourself this question:
“Is there anything I can about this to make them stop?”
If the answer is ‘yes’ — do it, and do it right away.
If the answer is ‘no’ — then let it the eff go.
Got it?
6) Predicting what will happen
Man, oh man…
You can get lost in many a rabbit hole right now, can’t you?
It’s human nature to wonder what’s going to happen next — and it’s also human nature to search for answers and make predictions.
That’s what we do.
We plot. We calculate. We anticipate where things are headed.
And though defining characteristics of the human race, these are also activities that — in times like this — can add more stress, anxiety, and discomfort to our lives than we care to admit.
Why?
Because, for the average Joe and Janette, if predictions don’t meet up with reality, it can be a one-way ticket to a first-class let-down — manifesting in more dread, uncertainty, and fear than they were experiencing before.
Sure, you can wonder where all of this is headed.
I mean, you’d be crazy to not think about how everything will end.
But you can’t control the outcome here — and no prediction you make is going to change how everything unfolds.
So…
Unless you can honestly tell yourself you won’t be let down if your predictions don’t go your way… it’s probably best to not make any predictions at all.
Go with the flow.
Be in the here and now.
Look for comfort in isolation.
And surrender to the uncertainty.
We have no idea how everything will turn out…
… but WE ARE experiencing it all together
And WE WILL get through it.
Of that, I’m certain.
5 Things You CAN Control Right Now
Okay, now that we’ve got that out of the way…
Let’s talk about some of the things you CAN control.
If all you do is concentrate on these aspects of your life right now, it’s going to be much smoother sailing than it would have been otherwise.
Cool beans? Wonderful — let’s dive in.
1) Turning off the news
It’s tempting to watch the news right now, I know.
You want to feel like you know what’s going on. You want to feel like you you’re staying updated with timely information. You want to feel safe knowing that you’re not missing out on anything important.
I get it.
But guess what?
If something really important happens — and it’s so important that you must know about it — I guarantee you’re going to learn about it sooner than later. Someone will tell you when there’s something you need to know.
But that doesn’t mean you have to stay glued to the news yourself.
In fact, tuning out of the news is the best decision you can make.
Why?
Because every moment you spend glued to the news is another moment you spend filling your psyche with whatever mainstream fear is on the menu today. It’s toxic and it’s meant to keep you perpetually shaking in your boots. And the more you watch it, the more it brings you down.
Don’t do that to yourself.
Instead, turn off the news and do something else. Be deliberate and intentional with what you’re allowing yourself to focus on.
The more you watch the news, the more you instill yourself with fear.
Remember that.
2) Limiting time on social media
Let me ask you something…
How often do you find yourself scrolling through social media?
If you’re like most people, the answer probably disappoints you.
And for good reason.
You KNOW that spending too much time on social media is bad for you — yet you still find yourself logging in 34 times an hour to make sure you’re not missing out on anything ‘important.’
You’re addicted to the dopamine drip of updates and notifications, even though the landscape is practically the same every time you log on.
It’s the same idea as the news.
If you’re not limiting the type of content you’re consuming, you’re likely absorbing tons of nonsense that’s toxic for your state of mind.
And you’re not alone.
Most people are doing it.
Heck, I’m even guilty of it, too.
But I try my best to stay off social media as much as I can.
And you should, too.
Because THAT’S something you CAN control right now — and if you’re not being proactive and limiting your time on social media, I promise you’re adding more stress and anxiety to your life than you have to right now…
… and God knows we have enough of that already.
So do your best to stay off social media much as you can. Focus on yourself. Focus on your family. And focus on doing things that help you grow.
Social media won’t do that for you.
But it’s within your control to choose something that does.
3) Finding fun things to do at home
Everyone who’s finding it hard to be at home…
… needs to tap into their childhood a little bit more.
And if your childhood isn’t something you want to revisit because it was hard on you, then this is your chance to (somewhat) rewrite that story.
Thing is…
With my daughter (who will be 3 in May), it’s either myself or my wife that’s looking after her 24/7. She doesn’t go to daycare. She doesn’t have a babysitter. It’s mommy or daddy all day errday.
When I work, my wife watches her. When she works, I watch her.
And if you’ve never had to spend one on one time with a developing toddler for 8–12 hours on end, let me tell you…
It’s effing hard.
And if you lack any kind of patience, well… you’re screwed.
It would be easy to just turn on the TV and let the gang from Paw Patrol raise my kid — but personally, I feel like that’s cheating. And I wouldn’t feel like I was doing my job as a parent if that’s all I let her do.
I’m supposed to guide her.
I’m supposed to be her example.
I’m supposed to show her what it means to live a life worth living.
So, that often means digging deep to find creative things to do.
And honestly, it’s not that hard.
Just think about when you were a kid.
What activities occupied you for hours on end? Building forts? Playing hide and seek? Setting up your toys and pitting them against each other? Painting? Science experiments? Exploring your own yard? Reading books? Building random shit with your hands?
When we were kids, we created worlds in our minds and explored them for what seemed like an eternity. We found things to do no matter what. We pulled pots and pans out of the cupboards and banged on them with spoons. We raided our parents closets and dressed up as the most random things.
We always found ways to pass the time. Boredom was never an option.
And if you’re sitting there thinking…
“Yea, but that’s when I was a kid. I’m not going to do all of that stuff now,”
Then let me ask you this…
When the hell did you become such a surly old fart?
When did you lose your ability to use your imagination and have fun?
I’m not telling you to pull all the pans out of the cupboard.
I’m not telling you dress up as Rapunzel and let down your hair.
I’m telling you to get creative and find fun things to do.
Channel your inner child and let them lead the way.
Too much boredom means you’re not being creative enough. Simple as that.
Your imaginative faculties have atrophied.
The solution? You have to put them to use again.
Find fun things to do. Create fun things to do.
Be a kid again for God’s sake.
You may never get another opportunity like this again. So don’t let it go to waste. Drop your ego and let yourself dive into your childhood again.
Deep down, you know you want to.
Having fun in your home is something you CAN control…
… all it takes is a little imagination.
4) Your kindness and grace
During times like this, people act 1 of 2 ways…
They (1) act from a place of fear, or (2) act from a place of love.
And it’s not hard to tell who’s who, either — just take a trip to your local Safeway right now and you’ll see what I mean.
But here’s the thing…
Those actions aren’t automatic — people aren’t born acting from a place of love or fear. Sure, their programming might have them leaning a certain way, but ultimately it’s their choice how they go about presenting themselves.
And that’s good news for you. Why?
Because that means it’s something within your control — you get to choose the type of person you want to be.
Do you want to be someone who’s kind and full of grace?
Or do you want to be someone who’s harsh and always surly?
I think it’s obvious which way to go.
But again, the choice is yours.
So the next time you leave the safety of your home to grab essentials for yourself and your family, take a moment to intentionally decide who you’re going to be and how you’re going to treat the people you interact with.
Chances are, the people you interact with are the same people on the frontlines putting themselves in harm’s way day in and day out to make sure you and your family still have everything you need.
They deserve kindness.
They deserve grace.
And they most certainly deserve respect.
Best part?
It’s within your control to give that to them.
So make the right choice, will ya?
5) Your own attitude
Many people don’t know this but…
Every day, you get to decide what kind of day you’re going to have… and you do this by adjusting your own attitude to meet your expectations.
That’s right, your attitude is entirely within your control — and it’s actually the single-most important determinant of how you’ll feel throughout the day.
Have a bad attitude? Expect a bad day.
Have a good attitude? Expect a good day.
Have a great attitude? You got it — expect a GREAT day.
It never fails.
Problem is…
Most people let their attitude run on autopilot — and as a result, they react unconsciously to everything that happens around them. This is by far the easiest way to get swept up in all the doom and gloom.
You don’t want that.
Instead, you have to make a conscious decision about the kind of day you’re going to have the moment you get out of bed.
You have to tell yourself…
“No matter what happens today, I’m going to respond with patience, strength and poise — nothing in the world will bring me down or frighten me. I am the master of my domain and I am committed to having the best day I possibly can.”
If you repeat those words to yourself each and every morning — and repeat them with conviction — I’m confident your day will be infinitely better than than it could have ever been before.
Don’t believe me? Try it for yourself and see.
What have you got to lose?
The choice is yours
It all boils down to this:
You can waste valuable energy getting worried, angry, annoyed, agitated, or upset about all the things you can’t control, OR…
You can learn how to let go of all the nonsense and instead focus your energy only on that of which you’re able to determine the outcome.
One path leads to pain and discomfort.
The other leads to empowerment and peace.
I know which path I’m choosing — what about you?
One last thing…
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